This is a difficult week for me. Today, June 17th, is the day my father passed away 3 years ago. He was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS) shortly before his death. He was an energetic, goofy, intelligent, and warmhearted soul. He loved with his whole, huge heart and would have done anything for us.
My father wanted to live and tried to be strong for me and the rest of the family. I know this for certain.
He died just 1 day before his birthday.
I found comfort knowing he would be with my mother again. She died 6 months (TO THE DAY) prior to him.
This week, like Mother's Day week, will always be a hard one for me.
I try to remind myself that these holidays are just like other days, and it's foolish to be down or struggle with my feelings on these occasions.
But... That isn't how grief works. It makes no rules.
I want to spend Father's Day weekend barbequing, swimming, laughing, and listening to terrible and inappropriate dad jokes.
I would give anything to have one more conversation with him.
He just understood me. I (fortunately/unfortunately) inherited his twisted sense of humor, but also loved that I could call him after a long day to discuss various medical cases or things I witnessed that day at work. Being a pharmacist, my father could appreciate what I was talking about and always found my stories to be fascinating.
I don't think silly holidays such as Father's Day will ever get easier for those that have lost their dad. We just learn to cope and get by. I choose to make the best of it, however. I plan to spend this weekend doing something he loved to do- be outside and enjoy the sunshine.
For those of you a part of this "club," I am thinking of you this upcoming holiday weekend. Be strong. Until next time,
Mandi